It's all been worth it
It seems, when it comes to your children, there is always one moment that stands out when you realize two things: one – they actually were listening to you all those times you admonished them, warned them, encouraged them, or advised them, despite the fact that their eyes glazed over (when they weren’t rolling) and they had a look of utter disdain on their faces, and two – they realize you were right, and that you were only trying to teach them what they needed to know to succeed in life, and they really do appreciate you for doing so. With our oldest, that moment came when we read an essay he wrote about who was the most influential person in his life. He wrote that his parents were the most influential people in his life, and went on to explain why. It was very touching, especially because he is not one to show his emotions much at all. He is a very quiet, private person. He said things in the essay we had no idea he felt. We were proud of the young man he had become, and we realized that he was a lot more mature and level-headed than we’d realized. Sometimes, dealing with your kids on a daily basis can blind you to how much they’ve matured. It requires taking a step back to see them for the people they have become, or are becoming. That essay helped us take that step back and see him for the amazing young man he had become, right under our noses.
With our daughter, the moment came watching her with her children. They were fighting and being horrible to each other, and she dealt with them with such patience and gentleness, (I would have been more inclined to holler at them and send them off to their rooms to cool down) and got them apologize to each other, to hug each other, and then play nicely together. The things she said… the manner in which she said them… well, I was impressed at her calm. I was never that calm when my kids were growing up. But her dad was. When I complimented her on how well she’d dealt with the kids, she explained that she remembered how sad it made her when her older brother was mean to her when she was little. She remembered how much she just wanted to play with him and be his friend. She understands that her youngest just wants his older sister’s acceptance and attention, and so she tries to make her daughter understand that. But she also gives her daughter some time without her brother bugging her so she can feel older and special. She reminded me that we used to do that with her and her brother when they were little. So, she was paying attention. Amazing.
With our youngest, that moment came yesterday. During my brother’s visit, as I mentioned, he picked Jonathan up and took him along with them to visit some friends. I didn’t know this, but Jonathan spent some time with my niece, the 14 year-old. Apparently, she’s been in trouble at home. She told Jonathan what she was in trouble for (talking to a 17 year-old boy on her cell phone all night). She went on to tell him that she really didn’t like her dad (gee, really?) and that he was always on her case. She also confided about some other things she’s done that a 14 year-old shouldn’t be doing. Jonathan apparently doled out some “big brotherly” advice to her, telling her “you really shouldn’t be doing that, cousin, and if I hear of you doing it again, you’re going to have to deal with me.” He went on to tell her that, though she thought her parents were mean and didn’t like her dad right now, they really were only looking out for what was best for her. He explained that they know the consequences of the mistakes she was making, or might make, and were only trying to help her avoid them and guide her to better decisions. He shared some of the stupid things he had done, and the consequences of his actions, and told her that if he’d listened to us, he would have avoided a lot problems, and he regrets not having done so. He urged her to listen to what her dad said and told her to stay out of trouble. He also gave her his phone numbers so she could call him any time she needed to talk. My niece now adores her cousin. She went on and on to me about what a neat guy he is, how nice he was to her, and how much fun she had with him. Jonathan told me what he had said to her, and how he had tried to encourage her. I told him I was really proud of him. Wow. He’s been listening. He gets it. He IS growing up, and I am pretty sure he’s going to turn out great.
