A Day That Will Live in Infamy

29 years ago today my mother took her life. It would be so much easier if this day could just pass anonymously, but due to the Pearl Harbor Day hoopla, it never does. I woke up and didn't even notice the date on the calendar - until the newspaper arrived. There, proclaimed in headline font, was the reminder - Pearl Harbor Day. Ugh. I don't dwell on her death or its anniversary, but on this day there is a sort of air of melancholy that seems to settle on my world. It's as if I'm somehow a bit more aware of her absence today. I find myself missing her more than usual. I ponder the "what-ifs" just a bit more. I do miss her. She was an amazing woman, a wonderful mother, a terrific wife. Sadly, she suffered from manic-depression in an era before they knew about things like lithium. If she were alive now, she'd be easily treated, like Patty Duke has been. In the 70's the solution was to try to sedate these people with Valium. Nice try guys... doesn't work.

I knew my mom well enough to know that her suicide was not a commentary on her relationship with us kids. She had lived a life of pain and anguish, brightened by her four children and others she loved with all her heart. She was a brilliant woman, admired and respected by all who knew her. With the exception of her closest friends and family, no one knew the demon she battled. Her death came as a shock to so many, but not to her loved ones. She had attempted to end her life on several occasions. When she finally was truly ready, she did so in a way that left no doubt as to its success. As sad as her death was, as great a loss as it was to those who knew and loved her, I know God had a plan even in this. All four of her children have come to know the Lord since her death - likely as a result of it. Just as important, her dear brother, a man that had spent nearly half his life addicted to heroin and that she had helped begin a new life, free from drugs, also became a Christian. I'm convinced Mom is looking down on all of us and smiling. I only wish my husband and children could have known her. She would have loved them all so much and they her. So, on this 29th anniversary of her death, I wanted to say "Mom, I love you. I miss you every day. I can't wait to see you again!"